Talking Points: How Should We Shape Our Kids' Identities?

Identity

Jul 14

Four major influences shape kids’ worldviews: public schools, media, arts and entertainment, and the laws of the land (Barna, see Family Research Council in resources).
Kids are encouraged to discover or define their own identities.
Limits on identity, whether social or physical, are rejected.
There are growing battles over the rights of parents to make decisions for their children.

Cultural forces constantly seek to shape our self-understanding.
They also shape the desires we have for our kids.
We are tempted to see their value in their athletic, academic, or social accomplishments.

“If you are not resting as a parent in your identity in Christ, you will look for identity in your children” (Paul Tripp, see resources).
Shaping our kids' identities starts with allowing our identities to be shaped by our heavenly Father.

Before the command to teach our children in Deuteronomy 6:5–9 comes the command for parents to love God and have his commands on our hearts.
We must choose for ourselves to serve the Lord (Josh 24:14–15).

Our goal should not be to find our fulfillment in our kids, but to see our kids fulfilled in Christ.

Our aim should be for them to know Christ and live their life in him (John 10:10).
Rather than focusing on what they become, we should focus on what they believe.

The churh teaches them that you’re not a christian by yourself but part of a body of believers.
Psychologist Erik Erikson describes childhood development as primarily a process in which kids acquire a sense of personal identity through interaction with other people (Focus on the Family article in resources).
Reggie Joiner writes, “Children need more than just a family that gives them unconditional acceptance and love; they need a tribe that gives them a sense of belonging and significance” (Greear article in resources).

Kids can spot a fake; they will know if our religious practice is only in word and not in deed.
This doesn’t mean perfection; demonstrating repentance also teaches important lessons.
Seeing parents in personal prayer or reading Scripture has a powerful effect on kids, conveying the authenticity and attractiveness of faith.
Include intentional moments of family discipleship in your home. (Get some tips here.)
Jesus provides a powerful example of personal influence by not merely teaching or going straight to the cross but also living life with his disciples for three years (see Sample Discussion).

Practice the “ministry of delight” with them by communicating the joy they give you. Represent God’s love to them.
They see what we love by how we behave.
As Deuteronomy 6:7 says to parents, you should “talk of [God’s instructions] when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”
“Dads teach values by being present, caring, and involved who consciously and intentionally strive to live out their commitments, beliefs, and values in front of their kids. If a father does his job well, his children will be drawing upon the strength and goodness of his example for the rest of their lives” (Focus on the Family article in resources).

We worry about culture but we can take heart that the main way kids’ faith is shaped is through what is passed down from parents to kids.

This is a huge responsibility but also encouraging to know that things we do with kids each day can shape their whole lives.
“Nothing is more important in your life than being one of God’s tools to form a human soul” (Tripp, see resources).

Psalm 127:4–5 says, “Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them.”

Missionary martyr Jim Elliot said: “What is a quiver full of but arrows? And what are arrows for but to shoot? So, with the strong arms of prayer, draw the bowstring back and let the arrows fly—all of them, straight at the Enemy’s hosts” (see Greear article in resources).

How should we shape our kids' identities?