Key Questions: How Should We Shape Our Kids' Identities?
1. Isn’t it wrong to indoctrinate kids? Shouldn’t we give them the freedom to choose their own beliefs?
The charge of indoctrination is often made against Christian parents who seek to instill their values and beliefs in their children.
However, all parents pass on their values to their children through their behavior.
Those who abdicate this responsibility are still communicating a message to their children about the (lack of) importance of parenting and of the parents’ beliefs.
They also aren’t avoiding indoctrinating their kids, but inviting other sources of indoctrination, such as schools or media.
All education is indoctrination to some degree.
Educators who worry about Christian parents’ indoctrination are telling on themselves: they want to maintain control over what students learn.
However, quality education and proper parental influence will not force beliefs on kids (which they’re likely to reject later) but demonstrate the attractiveness of Christian faith (so they’ll embrace it freely for the rest of their lives).
2. What if I don’t feel like my faith is strong enough to influence my kids well?
Perfection or even seasoned faith is not a requirement to disciple others.
Peter repeatedly denied Christ and yet Jesus entrusted him with leading the early church (John 18:15–18, 25–27; 21:15–19).
The Samaritan woman was able to bring many to Christ after having only just met him herself (John 4).
Confessing your faults and expressing your desire to grow will teach your kids important lessons about humility and the nature of the gospel, which is based on grace, not works.
However, this feeling of inadequacy should drive you to pursue holiness. (Try reading Towzer’s classic, The Knowledge of the Holy.)
There’s nothing more important you can do, both for yourself and for your kids!
3. Can’t I rely on the church, youth group, or Christian school to shape my kids’ identity?
The church is a vital means of grace in our kids’ lives.
Other external influences that create a “tribe” that will reinforce our kids’ faith similarly play an important role.
But relying on external influences will also undermine our efforts to convey the importance of faith to our kids.
If they don’t see our devotion to Christ, they will conclude personal faith is not crucial.
An hour or two a week at church will not outweigh the influence of dozens of hours a week at home and school.
Faith will become an activity they participate in rather than an identity they embrace.
