Dad, why do we have to go to church?

Written By Graham Thompson

Going to church is not about us…and it’s the best thing we can do for ourselves and our families.

It’s tempting not to go to church because we don’t see how it gives us what we want, but that consumeristic approach to church will keep us from getting what we truly need: the blood-bought community where we learn to love one another and our Creator.

Talking Points

A clear and concise introduction to the nature of the cultural challenge, the underlying theological issue, the biblical solution, and how to apply that biblical insight to our response to this challenge with our kids.

  • The Cultural Challenge

    • In a technologically connected world, church doesn’t seem necessary (we have YouTube)

    • In an entertainment-saturated culture, church doesn’t seem interesting (YouTube again)

    • In a socially conscious climate, church doesn’t seem relevant (what about more pressing issues?)

    • In an individualized society, church doesn’t seem attractive (isn’t groupthink dangerous?)

    The Underlying Theological Issue

    • One of the first things the Bible tells us about humanity is that “it is not good that man should be alone” (Genesis 2:18).

      • We tend to personalize our faith like we personalize our Starbucks orders

      • But Christian faith is a communal endeavor

      • Scripture is full of “one another” commands to Christians (e.g., 1 Peter 4:8-10)

      • Church is not a building or even a meeting, but a group of redeemed sinners

    • Sin leads us to make everything about ourselves, including church

      • We approach church as consumers, asking what it does for us

      • But church is about worshiping God and equipping ourselves to love him and our neighbors better (Matthew 22:35-40)

    The Biblical Solution

    • Attend church:

    • For God’s sake

      • To know God

        • We won’t find rest for our souls elsewhere (John 10:10)

        • “You have made us for yourself, and our hearts are restless, until they can find rest in you.” (Augustine).

      • To obey God

        • He commands us to gather with his people (Hebrews 10:25)

      • To worship God

        • God gave his own son because of his love for the church (Ephesians 5:25)

    • For the family of God’s sake

      • As a member of God’s family, we have a responsibility to build up our brothers and sisters through our presence

      • “Let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works” (Hebrews 10:24)

    • For the sake of non-Christians

      • 1 Corinthians 14:13-25 describes how when a church is worshiping truly, unbelievers will see it and declare, “God is really among you.”

      • This evangelistic witness is also for our children, that they may come to faith

    • For our own sake

      • As fathers, we are also sinners who need the church for encouragement and accountability

      • “A Christian without a church is a Christian in trouble.” (Hansen and Leeman)

      • Our kids can see other pictures of godliness besides their parents at church

    Application

    • Studies show that the strongest indicator of children maintaining their faith into adulthood is seeing their fathers actively involved in church

    • Another important factor in children maintaining their faith is getting to know other adults who take their faith seriously

    • A good church will guide you and your family to pursue every other discipline that will build your faith, so joining a church is a foundational spiritual commitment

Key Questions

Responses to follow-up questions your kids might ask that dig deeper into the issue.

  • 1. Do we really need to gather? Why can’t we just watch online?

    • Church online confuses the true purpose of church

      • It makes church about content–songs to hear from a worship band and information to learn in a sermon

      • Those things are valuable, but church is primarily about community—it’s a communal training ground for worship

      • Notice all the “one another” commands in the New Testament, such as 1 Peter 4:8-10, which speaks of loving one another, showing hospitality to one another, and serving one another.

      • It’s hard to love people we do not see or to be loved by those who don’t see us

    • Online church makes contributing to and learning from that community difficult

      • We don’t see others singing with us

      • We aren’t asked about how we are doing

      • Ultimately, we are not held accountable, which will hinder our spiritual growth

      • It’s the same challenge we face with online learning or online work-out groups

    2. Hasn’t the church done some bad things in the past?

    • The church is made up of sinners by definition

      • Some of those sinful people have done terrible things, such as:

        • The Crusades

        • Anti-semitic persecution of Jews

        • Support for slavery in the American South

    • Not everyone who claims to be a Christian actually is and not everything done by Christians is motivated by their faith

      • The Crusades were a political power grab cloaked in religious language

      • Christian support for slavery distorted the Bible’s message to defend unjust oppression

    • The church has also been an incomparable source of good in the world

      • Just think of all the hospitals and schools started by churches

      • Christians also led the abolition movement against slavery

    • However, we won’t justify the church by arguing the good outweighs the bad, just like we can’t justify ourselves before God that way

      • Instead, we confess our sin, point to the only hope for forgiveness in Christ, and live as those who have been redeeming, loving our neighbors.

      • As 1 Peter says, Christians should live in such a way that “those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame” (3:16).

    3. What about the bad people who are in the church now?

    • We are all sinners (Romans 3:23)

      • It’s often said, “If you find a church full of perfect people, don’t join; you’ll ruin it”

    • The church, therefore, is made up of sinners by definition (see number 2 above)

      • But, they should, at least, recognize that they are sinful, unlike many people

      • As Jesus said, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick” (Matthew 9:12)

    • The church is like a hospital for our souls

      • You go to the hospital because you know you’re sick, but the goal is to make you well

      • Churches should welcome imperfect people, but to heal those people spiritually, they should encourage them to repent of and turn from their sins

      • So, there will be sinful people in churches, but a faithful church will not allow people to wallow in their sin, but lead them to spiritual health

    • If you are attending a church that is failing to recuperate the sinners in its midst by accepting, ignoring, or even celebrating their sin, especially the sin of its leaders, you should find another church

      • Sinners are welcome at church, but sin should not be

    4. Why does church have to be so boring?

    • Entertainment is not the purpose of church

      • If you want to be entertained, go to a movie; if you want to grow in your faith, go to church

      • Even some churches have forgotten this, and their focus on entertainment has damaged their ability to fulfill their actual purpose

    • Boredom is an attitude; it says more about you than the church

      • Think about why you find church boring:

      • Is it because you are not interested in developing your faith?

      • Is it because you are treating church with a consumer attitude, looking for what it has for you rather than seeking to love God and love others?

    5. If the early church met in people’s homes, why do we have to meet in a building?

    • Churches don’t have to meet in buildings

    • The early church could meet in people’s homes because the church is the gathering of people, not the building

    • Most churches meet in buildings in the US because it allows more people to meet, but many churches in other countries still meet in homes, sometimes because in those countries, churches are outlawed

Sample Discussion

An example of how to talk to your kids about this issue that demonstrates how to meet them where they are while weaving in biblical and theological truths.

  • “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” – Hebrews 10:24–25

    Do you know what we call a group of birds? Yes, a flock. And do you know what we call a group of fish? A school. Here’s a tough one: do you know what we call a group of zebras? A zeal. Ok, so what do we call a group of Christians? Do you know? A church.

    God doesn’t want us to follow him alone. It’s one of the first things he says about humans after he created the first one: “It is not good that man should be alone” (Genesis 2:18). He created us to live with others. He knows that will enable us to thrive. As it says in Ecclesiastes, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! …A threefold cord is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-11).

    Because God knows we need other people, he gave us a great gift: the church. We don’t have to live our Christian lives alone. Instead, we get to join with other Christians who will come alongside us and help us. And we get to help them too. That’s what love looks like, and Jesus says that people will know that we follow him if we love one another (John 13:35). In fact, the Bible is full of instructions for how Christians should encourage one another and serve one another and take care of each other (for example, Hebrews 10:24-25; 1 Peter 4:8-10). All these “one another” commands show how important and helpful it is for us to follow Jesus with others.

    Now, I know that going to church may not always seem fun and exciting. But that’s just because you haven’t yet learned to appreciate what we’re actually doing when we’re at church. We may sit in rows and sing songs and watch people talk on stage, but it’s not a concert or a play. And you may see kids your age, but it’s not a party. And you may learn things, but it’s not school. It’s way better than all those things (especially school). When we go to church, we meet with the God of the whole universe in a special way. God is always with you, of course, and you can meet with him anytime. But at church, you get to be with him and a bunch of other people who love him and each other at the same time, which makes it even better. Being with them helps you to love God more and loving God more helps you to love them more. There really is nothing more wonderful than that.

    So, next time you see a flock of birds or a school of fish, or even a zeal of zebras, think about the great gift God has given us in our church. And when we go to church this Sunday, let’s make the most of the awesome opportunity we have to worship our great God with his people, who love him and us so much.

Recommended Resources

A curated list of some helpful articles, podcasts, and books on this topic for those who want to explore it further.

Graham Thompson
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