Sample Discussion: How Should We Shape Our Kids' Identities?

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. — Romans 12:1–2

Do you know the difference between a solid and a liquid? A solid maintains its shape, but a liquid conforms to the container it’s put in. You put an ice cube in a glass, and it still looks like an ice cube (until it melts), but if you put water in the glass, it becomes the shape of the glass.

This is what Paul is talking about in these verses from Romans—not solids and liquids, but being conformed. You can either be conformed to the world or you can be transformed by God’s work in you. Our identities are all liquid. They’re going to be shaped one way or another. The important thing is to dwell in the right container, one that will shape you into the good, acceptable, and perfect will of God.

What does that look like? As your father, you could think of my job as creating that God-glorifying container for you and pouring you into it. There are three main ways I try to do that.

First, I take you to church with me. The church is the container God made for his people, so that we would all be shaped into his image together. The church is like a God-shaped glass. 

Second, your mother and I seek to construct our homes into the same kind of God-shaped containers, just smaller. That’s why we do things like pray and read the Bible together. It’s also why we apologize to each other and forgive each other; encourage and love one another.

Finally, I am going to love you and live my life as honestly as I can with you. I know that as your parent, there’s a sense in which I’m the container that will shape your identity. It’s natural for kids to become like their parents (whether they want to or not!).

Jesus is a great example of this. Have you ever thought about the fact that, though he came to die for our sins, he didn’t just come down from heaven and go straight to the cross? Why did he live for 33 years first? And why did he do ministry for three years with his disciples before he went to be crucified? There are a lot of reasons, but one of them is so that he could share his life with his disciples. They saw him wake up early to pray. They saw him love people that others struggled to love. They saw his life up close and personal, and that helped shape their identities.

Then, when things got tough after he left them to return to heaven, the disciples were still able to live God-shaped lives. They were able to resist the world’s efforts to get them to conform. To some degree, they had become less liquid and were now solid in their faith. 

And that’s what I’m hoping for you, too. One day, you won’t be in my house anymore. I’m doing all I can, and praying for God to work, so that you will be so firmly shaped in God’s image by then that you won’t be tempted to conform to the world. I want you to have such a solid faith that your God-shaped identity won’t melt a bit.