Talking Points: Dad, why should I listen to you?

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Jan 12

They’re often presented as buffoons (e.g., Homer Simpson) or as dangerous and oppressive (e.g., The Handmaid’s Tale).
This corresponds with attacks on “The Patriarchy” radiating out into public consciousness and even Christian discourse from university gender studies departments.
This reflects some legitimate concerns about the ways men have wielded power for their own benefit whether in the home, church, or legislature.

When rejecting this abuse of power, the denunciation of “the patriarchy” is something we should welcome.

But a father should not take fear of abusing his authority in his home as a justification for abdicating authority altogether.
Studies repeatedly indicate that there is something distinctive about the positive influence dads can have on their kids.
E.g., The “role of fathers is especially important in forming children religiously…. Both parents matter a lot in faith transmission, but the role of fathers appears to be particularly crucial” (Handing Down the Faith, Smith and Adamczyk).

God commands fathers (along with their wives) to teach his commandments diligently to their children by talking about them constantly (Deut 6:7).

Kids naturally embrace what their fathers show enthusiasm for (think about how college football allegiances are passed down through generations!)

To explain the connection between God’s instructions and the story of his redemption of his people (Deuteronomy 6:20–25);
To guide their children into wisdom and flourishing (Proverbs 1:8; 4f:1; 6:20);
To bring up their children “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21).

The Bible also testifies to the consistent failure of fathers to live up to these expectations, and the pain and hardship that results.

Isaac copies his father Abraham’s dishonest and dangerous attempt to save his life by passing off his wife as his sister in a foreign land (Genesis 12:10–20; 20:1–18; 26:6–11).
Eli allows his sons to run amok, leading to the military and spiritual disintegration of the nation (1 Sam 3:11–14; 4:17).
David fails to quell a feud between his sons and the nation falls into civil war (2 Sam 13–20).
In 1 and 2 Kings, king after king “walked in the way of his father,” not by obeying God’s commands, but by rejecting them and leading the people into idolatry (e.g., 1 Kings 15:3, 11, 26; 22:43, 52–53; 2 Kings 15:3, 34), with the people taken into exile as a result (2 Kings 17; 25).

It uses fatherhood as perhaps the most important metaphor for God.
God is referred to as “Father” of his people, in Israel (Deuteronomy 32:6; Isaiah 63:16; 64:8) and then the church (Matthew 6:8–9; Romans 8:15; Galatians 4:6), and of all humanity (Malachi 2:10).
God’s compassion for his people is compared to the compassion a father shows to his children (Psalm 103:13), his gifts to fatherly provision (Luke 6:11–13), and his loving discipline to fatherly reproof (Proverbs 3:11–12; Hebrews 12:5–11).
Fathers have an incredible responsibility: their behavior toward their children will shape the way their children understand their heavenly Father.

Fathers should pay special attention to the most extensive depiction of God as a father in the Bible: the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11–32).

The father demonstrates incredible love for his son, emphasized by the shocking description of a grown man hiking up his garment and running—shameful in that ancient Jewish society—to embrace his wayward son as he returns.
This love is willing to sacrifice everything—wealth, dignity, propriety—to bring a child home.
Jesus parallels the self-sacrificing love of the father in the parable with God’s own loving sacrifice to redeem humanity through his son, who emptied himself, took on the form of a servant, and died on a cross (see Philippians 2:6–9).

As Jesus says, in contrast to the rulers who lord it over others, “whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:25–28).
Paul, similarly, commands husbands to love their wives “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Eph 5:25).

The Bible calls men to follow Jesus in selfless sacrifice rather than self-serving superiority.

These fathers lead with authority but are also affectionate, accessible, and emotionally engaged with their children.
This leads to lower levels of abuse, neglect, and addiction and higher levels of family and community involvement.
The Bible shows us a better way and sociology affirms its positive effects in our culture.