Key Questions: Dad, why should I listen to you?
1. What does this look like practically?
Loving, self-sacrificial authority will look different in every home and even with every kid.
But intentional behaviors can foster the conditions in which it develops.
The beauty of every rose is unique, but all need rich soil, regular watering, and a warm sun to flourish.
Create regular moments to invest spiritually in your kids.
This will communicate your love for them (you care enough to be intentional).
And the value of your input in their life (you are serious about your own faith).
These intentional moments will look different for every family.
They could involve daily time around the breakfast or dinner table or bed-time routines.
Weekly outings.
Adding a spiritual element to marking special occasions, like birthdays or graduations.
For ideas, see:
2. How do I maintain authority while showing self-sacrificial love?
This can be a difficult balance, and it’s easy to err on one side or the other.
Both domineering authority and permissive abdication of discipline can be motivated by selfishness and laziness.
It’s easier to force or ignore obedience than to shape an obedient heart.
The key is to maintain the gospel as the means and end of parenting (see Tripp).
Consider discipline as an opportunity to teach your children about sin (why they are doing what they are doing) and forgiveness (point your children to Jesus) (see Lewis).
We are aiming to shape our kids’ hearts, not merely their behaviors.
To shape their hearts well, we must pay attention to our own hearts.
What is motivating our discipline (or lack thereof)?
Can we confess our own sin and struggles with our kids to teach them that we depend as much on the gospel as we are encouraging them to.
John Piper provides some more practical tips, including creating a strong foundation of teaching about obedience and creating a united front with your wife, here.
3. What if I’m lovingly leading my kids but they still won’t listen to me?
If your kids are not heeding your loving leadership, you’re in good company.
This is how we treat our loving heavenly Father.
It’s how his children have treated him since Eden.
Since you’re in God’s situation, you should imitate his example.
Persevere in loving discipline.
As Hebrews 12:3 says, “Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.”
That passage goes on to explain that God’s discipline of believers is evidence of his love for them.
Giving up on disciplining your children would be forsaking your love for them.
But God is also the loving father of the prodigal son, who yearns to embrace and forgive his wayward child.
Treat your child in such a way that they know that to be true and you are more likely to see them return to you.
