Talking Points: Dad, why are kids so lonely today?
The Cultural Challenge
Gen-Z is the loneliest generation ever recorded.
The next generation, our kids, are likely to be even lonelier.
Loneliness directly correlates with negative effects on mental and physical health.
CDC: 57% of teen girls say they experience persistant sadness or hopelessness with ⅓ seriously considering suicide.
The health detriment of loneliness corresponds to smoking 15 cigarettes a day, which is worse than obesity.
As we collectively turn inward, we increasingly turn against each other.
Growing loneliness fuels our hyperpartisan polarization (see Sasse, Them below).
Three issues contribute to our epidemic of loneliness.
Generational issue: Loneliness compounds from one generation to the next.
Technological issue: Our technology is sucking our attention dry, blocking intimacy, and reshaping childhood.
Cultural issue: Hyperindividualism, as interest moves increasingly from common good to individual goods (see Wax below).
The Underlying Theological Issue
These issues are symptoms of a deeper issue:
We’ve lost a sense of ourselves; we don’t know who we are or whose we are.
We were created to bear the image of our Creator, who has eternally existed in loving community in the Trinity.
We were created for community:
With other humans: After God created Adam, God declared it not good that Adam was alone, so he created a companion, Eve (Genesis 2:18-24).
With God: The first humans enjoyed communion with God in the garden.
Sin destroys true community.
When Adam and Eve disobey God, they first attempt to hide from each other, dressing in fig leaves (Genesis 3:7).
Then, they try to hide from God among the trees of the garden (Genesis 3:8).
Social media can be a more sophisticated form of those fig leaves, hiding our true selves from others under a stream of attractive images.
Our constant distraction, including social media, can be a means of cowering behind a psychological forest to hide from God.
The Biblical Solution
Not all loneliness is the direct result of sin someone has committed.
Jesus himself felt lonely, complaining on the cross that he felt like even God had forsaken him (Matthew 27:46).
Jesus is drawing on a common theme in the Psalms, where the psalmists frequently complain of feelings of isolation, particularly as the result of betrayal (e.g., Psalm 25:16–21).
However, Jesus, through the loneliest moment in history on the cross, has defeated sin, and with it the power of loneliness (see Bloom below).
The cross makes true relationship with God possible.
Jesus declares, “And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20).
His triumph over sin and death means that nothing can separate us from God (Romans 8:38–39).
The gospel is also the foundation of the church, where we can experience a new community of forgiven people, a family of God (Ephesians 2:19).
Application
We must acknowledge our own loneliness before we can address our kids’ loneliness.
Pursue accountability, deep relationships with others who can break through the veneer you project to the world.
Invest in the church and let it invest in you, as we “stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together … but encouraging one another” (Hebrews 10:24–25).
God wants to meet us in our loneliness so that we can meet our kids in theirs.
Remove the things that block intimacy and pursue the things that cultivate it.
Technology will replace and rewire our kids’ childhoods and their relationships if we let it.
Set boundaries so we can use technology and it doesn’t use us.
Foster true connection with others, in person when possible.
Establish a new culture in our families, one based on our divine design as image bearers of God.
God relentlessly pursues us in our loneliness, empowering us to establish active relationships with him, ourselves, and others.
We bear God’s image by modeling that to our children: relentlessly pursue them and help them establish relationships.
As God interrupted our loneliness, let’s do the same with our children.
