Key Questions: Dad, should we use pronouns?
1. Do Christians disagree on this issue?
This is a difficult question, and Christians disagree on how to respond (see Christianity Today).
Some argue for using preferred pronouns.
Preston Sprinkle, for example, argues for “pronoun hospitality.”
Using transgender pronouns, he argues, is respectful of someone’s chosen identity.
It’s kind and courteous and necessary for continuing a relationship with a transgender person.
However, Rosaria Butterfield, who identified as a lesbian before her conversion, repents of her former “sin” of using transgender pronouns.
She claims it is a lie that defies God’s creation, his word, and the gospel, which fails to love our neighbor well by not pointing them to the truth.
She asks, “Does any real Christian believe crafting a relationship on falsehood will give the gospel a better hearing? And is that how people are converted? By meeting God on sin’s terms and hearing nice things about themselves?”
Sam Allberry, author of Is God Anti-Gay? argues that this is a “wisdom matter, not a righteousness matter” and Christians should show grace toward other Christians who take different approaches.
2. Practically, what should I encourage my kids to do if asked to use someone’s preferred pronouns?
Lay out the guardrails (Robert Smith):
1. Tell the truth: “Do not lie to one another” (Colossians 3:9)
2. Avoid unnecessary offense: “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” (Romans 12:18).
Using someone’s name instead of pronouns whenever possible is the easiest way to meet both those requirements.
For more complex situations, “nearness means clarity” (Andrew Walker).
“The more impersonal the context, the less likely a Christian will feel the need to correct pronoun requests; and the further removed someone is from their transgender family member, friend, or colleague, the less likely the Christian will have the ability to speak authoritatively and correctively to them.”
Your kids shouldn’t feel the need to march up to any transgender person they meet and explain God’s design for sexuality.
But they should be encouraged to see explaining God’s loving purpose as the true way to show love to those they have relationships with rather than affirming them in a destructive lie.
Though we avoid giving unnecessary offense, Christians should be prepared to suffer for the gospel (Matthew 16:24-26).
We need to communicate to our kids that faithfulness is more important than popularity or even avoiding punishment.
But we shouldn’t use them as proxies for our culture wars and ask them to do what we wouldn’t be willing to do ourselves.
If necessary, go with them to discuss the matter with a school administrator.
3. What if my kids are asked to give their own pronouns?
If asked, giving one’s own pronouns that correspond with one’s sex is not a lie, so it can be done in good conscience if necessary.
But it is complicit in the lie that we determine our gender, so it should also be avoided if possible.
Being asked to share your pronouns at the beginning of a conversation is like being asked to share your astrological sign: it conveys agreement with an entire belief system.
The practice of encouraging (or forcing) everyone to share their pronouns in a group setting is increasingly being questioned, even among transgender advocates (e.g., here at Harvard).
It may force someone to “out” themselves.
So saying you’d “prefer not to disclose” your pronouns is an increasingly acceptable response.
4. Are pronouns just a biblical issue?
God’s law is given to help us flourish both in our spiritual relationship with him AND in the physical world he has created.
Therefore, nature itself will often lead us to the same conclusion as the Bible.
Because this issue deals with our bodies, it’s not unique to Christians.
We don’t need Genesis 1 to see that humans come in two sexes.
We don’t need biblical teaching to see the mental and physical damage that denying biological truth can cause either (see, e.g., Irreversible Damage: The Transgender Craze Seducing Our Daughters).
This should give Christians hope that our culture will eventually change course on this issue.
Advocates of transgenderism are running into the brick wall of reality as God created it.
They can deny reality only so long before its effects are felt.
