Key Questions: Dad, are boys and girls the same?
1. What’s the difference between sex and gender?
“Sex is a biological reality, and gender is the way we express that reality in society” (Doriani).
Sex is (almost always) clearly expressed physically in genitalia and chromosomes in humans across the world and throughout history.
Gender, however, is a culturally conditioned way in which various cultures signal their sex in appearance and actions.
There’s nothing inherently feminine about the color pink, and, historically it’s been associated with both genders, even in America.
But pink is now associated with the female gender, especially for young children.
There’s nothing intrinsically wrong with a boy wearing pink, but if he does so in order to make himself appear feminine, then he is violating God’s design.
Some of the cultural expectations we have for genders are overly restrictive.
Boys can enjoy poetry and girls can enjoy video games (see next question).
But consistently conveying the gender that corresponds with our sex is a means of reflecting who God has made us and how he orders society.
2. What if my girl is a tomboy or my boy is not into “guy stuff”?
Cultural gender expressions are shaped by average differences between male and female preferences and behavior influenced by fundamental differences between the sexes.
However, those averages do not explain the behavior of individuals.
Gender behaviors tend to be distributed on a normal bell curve, with most people of each sex grouped around the average but outliers on either end.
And these bell curves overlap. Here’s an example with height:
Though the average male may be stronger, more aggressive, or more likely to play Xbox into the wee hours of the night than the average female, there are some women who demonstrate all these traits more strongly than the average man and some men who demonstrate them less than the average woman.
A “tomboy” is like one of those “women with ‘male’ height” in the graph; the overlap between her interests and those of boys makes her an outlier among girls, but it doesn’t make her a “boy in a girl’s body.”
A parent’s goal should be to help her express her female gender in culturally appropriate ways without smothering her interests that are not wrong, even if they are different from the “average” girl.
The same goes for boys who are not into “guy stuff.”
3. If we say that boys and girls are not the same, then aren’t we saying they’re not equal?
We often equate treating people as equals with treating them as if they were the same.
However, being equal and being the same are distinct concepts.
Treating people equally may require recognizing their differences, e.g., wheelchair ramps.
We can uphold the equality of the genders without treating them the same.
E.g., giving girls an equal opportunity to enjoy sports would not mean having them compete with boys in the same events.
4. How should we respond to people who deny the truth of gender?
It’s important to distinguish between gender ideology and the victims of that ideology.
Gender ideology must be opposed.
It harms individuals, who are drawn away from God’s design for their lives.
It damages society, which also deviates from God’s plan.
The Bible teaches throughout that God’s plan is for our good; defying it leads to pain and destruction (e.g., the fall in Genesis 3).
Those who struggle with gender confusion must be loved.
They bear God’s image.
Their confusion is often caused by real pain in their lives.
We must have compassion for those who are confused and hurting and courage to challenge destructive ideology. (See Gender Ideology: What Christians Need to Know)
