Talking Points: Dad, is it OK for me to ask questions about my faith?
The Cultural Challenge
Two-thirds of kids drop out of church when they become young adults (Lifeway).
A prominent reason for this is kids encountering questions in the “real world” that they don’t feel Christianity can adequately answer (Jared Wilson).
Historical, scientific, or philosophical questions they face in college classes: e.g., can I trust the biblical accounts of creation, historical events, or miracles?
Existential questions we will all face at some point: e.g., why is there so much suffering in the world?
Cultural questions about moral issues: e.g., why do we care who gets married?
If you wait until your kid gets to college to deal with the issues that will certainly arise there, it will be too late.
The Underlying Theological Issue
The faith of church dropouts is vulnerable to these questions because their parents and their churches have either protected their faith from the world or conformed it to the world rather than preparing it for the world.
Christian faith is designed not for separation or assimilation but faithful engagement (2 Corinthians 5:18–20; see Dad, are Christians narrow-minded?)
It does not flee challenges or fold to them but boldly faces them.
“In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).
Our kids’ faith (and our own) is like our immune systems or our muscles—it must face challenges to grow strong—otherwise, it will eventually collapse.
Protecting our kids from difficult questions will only make their faith fragile.
We need our kids to develop antifragile faith that builds strength through facing stressors.
Parents can give their kids’ fragile faith by falling into two theological extremes:
I control my kids’ destiny and guarantee their salvation by checking all the boxes—overprotection.
Because I don’t control my kids’ salvation, my parenting doesn’t matter—under-preparation.
Instead, we can be confident that God controls our children’s destiny while being compelled that our parenting does matter.
Trusting God enables exposure, and obeying him drives preparation.
The Biblical Solution
Four principles for preparing our kids for lifelong faith (Michael Kruger)
Intentional preparation instead of just hoping.
Going to a good church, growing in our faith, and incorporating that faith into our home are all crucial.
But we can’t rely on these things alone.
Have a plan to create an environment in your home to expose your kids to non-Christian thought.
Don’t just prepare your kids morally—here’s how to act—but also intellectually—here’s how to think.
How they think will affect how they act and vice versa.
Look at the example in Proverbs 1–9, where the parents quote the words of gang members, adulterers, and other “fools” so their children will be prepared to respond.
2. Wise exposure instead of just isolation.
At age appropriate levels, with wisdom and care, introduce your kids to the challenging questions they will eventually face.
The Bible doesn’t shy away from the hard questions (e.g., Job or Ecclesiastes), and neither should you.
By the time your child turns 18, will they have read a book that argues against Christianity or watched a YouTube video from an atheist?
Wouldn’t you rather them wrestle with these issues when you’re there to walk them through it.
When they encounter new ideas, we want them to say, “That’s not new. My dad and I have talked about that.”
3. Purposeful dialogue instead of just instruction.
Deep education is more than content delivery—just look at the variety of approaches to teaching in the Bible, including Jesus’s ministry.
Step 1: receive it: “Listen as I teach.”
Step 2: articulate it: “Explain what you believe in your own words.”
Step 3: defend it: “If someone challenges you, what would you say?”
Role play on road trips and around the dinner table—assign someone to be the atheist, and others respond.
Teach the fundamentals, run drills, and then give your kids an opportunity to scrimmage. That will prepare them for the real game.
4. Allowing questions and doubts instead of just giving answers.
It’s scary to watch your kids doubt.
You may think your job is to snuff out any doubts immediately.
The church generally does a poor job of allowing people to express doubts.
The Bible often talks about doubt and demonstrates God’s consistent compassion toward those who bring doubts to him (see Sample Discussion [link]).
“Have mercy on those who doubt” (Jude 22).
Instead of creating an environment where your kids are afraid to ask questions, give them an open space to express their doubts.
Otherwise, they will express those doubts when they leave home, and you won’t be there to help them.
Application
Our goal is to help our kids learn to think (and believe) for themselves.
They will not develop a robust faith that can withstand the challenges they will face in the world if they don’t learn how to wrestle with questions.
We want to develop in them a 1 Peter 3:15 faith: “In your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect.”
